Tinder-Hella

Suddenly we found ourselves in the middle of a pandemic which potentially meant the majority of us singletons had no option but to take to Tinder!

Now before anyone gets their knickers in a twist; because lets be Frank, it’s certainly not my first time using the app however, the reality of this being the potential new ’norm’ and only means of meeting someone has really set the panic alarms off in my mind. I mean don't get me wrong, I’m slowly coming to terms with its lack of ability to meet my standards and I’m already digging out the white flag as my symbol of defeat.

Don’t get me wrong, blaming Tinder solely would be very naïve of me considering all Tinder users have the opportunity to create their own profiles as well as selecting the pictures to compliment them, but let's face it, selling themselves simply isn't everyone's forte now is it?

I have seriously considered becoming a personal proof reader for Tinder profiles, I mean why not?; it's apparent you can become anything you want this day and age, even a fucking catfish! Hoorah!

Luckily for me, I have only gone and 'completed' Tinder which is surprisingly why I took to writing this blog. Apparently I've ran out of possible suitors to swipe 'left' to. Is it just me who can come to the end of a dating app which was downloaded in order to help me meet someone within a certain distance only for it to have the nerve to present a message on my screen saying, and I quote, "We've run out of potential matches in your area. Go global and see people around the world. You can turn off global profiles in your settings at any time." What?

I'm sorry, are you fucking kidding me? Just another kick into the reality that I am forever doomed.

Now let's go back to the profiles that didn't take my fancy. We have the popular 'no bio's'. I guess their pictures were supposed to do the talking for them (eyes rolling) I mean, you'd think they had breathtaking images which portrayed them as your ideal boyfriend from their looks alone. Some may I add, clearly own magic mirrors in order for them to be that confident in themselves! Fuck the fuck off!

The majority of the pictures on tinder also look like they have been taken on a Nokia 3310. You can't make out the persons face never mind if he has a decent set of gnashers in his gub! I mean it could be Quasi-fucking-modo I was staring at and I wouldn't even know. Why on earth would someone think that that was a great selling point?

Then you have the 'over sharers', both in their bio and the pictures they proudly display. Nobody wants to hear the crackpot fetishes that goes on in your warped mind and/or see your pube ridden groins. Get to fuck! S, O, fucking S!

You then have the, 'I'm only here for fun' guys, which is fine, as long as they are stating their intentions from the get go. The 'open relationships' too, I mean who am I to judge?, and again, clearly declaring the obvious which is fair do's but not my style... boak!

Height is clearly a confusion for a lot of guys too who repeatedly question why women like to ask this. I mean, isn't it obvious? Surely nobody wants another Nicole Kidman/Tom Cruise situation??? Get over it short arse.

And then there are the profiles that have the unbelievably perfect pictures but maybe only one or two. The ones you know have been pulled right off the web of some innocent attractive man who has not agreed to partake in any of this. The devilishly handsome Spanish man that writes, 'Geez a swipe' in his bio. Thank the Lord I am not buttoned up the back. Absolute utter bellends at their best!

As much as I could go on and on about all the negatives I have come across on Tinder and the majority of it's male users being massive twats, I would never assume that there wasn't women mirroring all of the above towards men. I know they can be fuckwits too so pick your dummies up of the floor and button it, *sigh! Never have I claimed women to be the perfect specimen to have walked the earth. Fuck, I don't even claim myself to be perfect and I'll tear into myself at some stage too, keep your eyes peeled!

All of that being said, I have however met a couple of decent guys through the site and although things didn't progress into anything serious for reasons I will probably pick up on in future blogs, they are few and very far between which is super unfortunate. Who the fuck are these clowns jumping about like Dan Bilzerian with a maggot cock? Grow tf up!

On a more serious note, with mental health being such a massive problem these days, it's no wonder online platforms get the reputation of being the culprit behind a lot of it. People should ideally treat others the way they would want to be treated, especially those of you with children. Imagine your son or daughter being treated the way some of you treat people. One day your children will be experiencing behaviour which would no doubt upset you to see. Make yourself a role model and not a hypocrite. Communicate instead of ghosting. That shit is nasty and there is no need for it whatsoever. A cowards way out. You may also want to save on the dick pics. Between you and I, girls don't want to see that shit unless they ask for it. Don't assume we're sitting flicking our beans at the image of your mole like cocks. Who the fuck educated you into believing women liked that? Bamsticks!

Ideally, you should tactically take my advice and change your game, it's not often you are given something for free in this world; lap it up and for fuck's sake, be nice!

Over and out

x